Started 1st chemo infusion. I have a total of 3 infusions today. This will be a 7 hour day. The first chemo infusion went well. The second infusion, I started to suffocate and gag right at the start, however, the nursing team and pharmacist acted quickly and corrected dose until I returned to normal breathing. They had to reduce dose from 100% to 50% check my vitals every 15 minutes, and then up my dose slowly back to 100%. I did very well the next 2.5 hours. THAT was crazy! All I remember was feeling light headed and when I looked up, I started seeing stars, and then the air just cut off.
I raised my had to get the nurses attention
She looked at me and said “what? what’s wrong?” I couldn’t speak to tell her. My eyes had to be as big a saucers. She kept saying “What’s wrong?.” I was able to push out the words “I can’t breathe” with all my might. Then, she ran and pushed a button that alarmed the nurses and pharmacist. I started to gag really bad too. It was like a gag reflex. No nausea or throw up, just gagging.
The nurse closed my curtain to give me some privacy (there was all sorts of people in the same room getting their infusions.) The pharmacist stood in front of me and the chemo machine. I felt like I needed to tell him (in case he was studying me/my case) that I wasn’t feeling nauseated, so I pushed out the words “Not nauseated, just gag reflex.” I couldn’t breathe, but I felt like I had to tell him.
The third infusion had no side affects.
This was a long day, nevertheless, I’m glad it’s over and that my friend Mahesh came with me.
This was on a Wednesday. I was informed that I would experience some side effects over the next 3 weeks. I had a list of possible ones like achy joints and muscles, mouth sores, low grade fever, nausea, and possible hair loss.
Well, the side effects I experienced for 2 1/2 days were
mild stabbing pains all over my abdomen, thick mucous in my sinuses and lungs, muscle weakness, and slight fever. I felt horrible. I was coughing up tons of phlegm and was prescribed a cough suppressant with a narcotic and morphine to breath easier.
Thank goodness for morphine!
I slept on/off all day the following Friday/Saturday and most of Sunday. I felt better by Sunday afternoon. Then I slowly started to feel better until my next chemo cycle.
All I could think about during these side effects
was how much Yeshua (Jesus) suffered for me. I set my mind on His suffering. His scourging. The physical pain He experienced. His humiliation. All I could say was “I love you. This is nothing compared to what You experienced. How did you endure, Yeshua? I love You. Thank You for loving me. I join my little sufferings with Yours. I lean into You. Into Your side. I love You so much. I worship You. Thank You, for healing me. Thank You, that every scourge to Your body released healing to my body. Thank You, for going through this with me. Thank You for loving me so much. I know You got this. I trust You.”
After the side effects went away (outside of the muscle weakness), I started to journal with a question “God, what do you think of all this?” I really wanted to hear something specific from God about His views on my body having cancer. He answered pretty quickly saying “You will never die. You are eternal.” I knew instantly that God didn’t want me to focus on what’s going on in my body, but to focus on my spirit life. I also felt like I was to lay my hands on my abdomen and thank Yeshua for my healing.
I understood that my body could die, however, I wouldn’t. I would go on and get a new healthy body.
I also understood that God held my days. He appointed the day of my conception, and He had appointed the day that my earthly body would die. I was not in control of that. I also understood that even if my body was infested with cancer from head to toe, my body wouldn’t decline until God said so. Thus, I have been resting in peace and abiding in God’s loving presence through it all.
I don’t know how individuals go through hard things without knowing God.
How do you get through tough times?